The Power of Ritual in Transitions

What do you think of when you hear the word ritual? Some tribal sacrifice? Melted wax and chicken feathers? A fiery Norse funeral barge? A group of rhythmic dancers within a booming drum circle? We modern day Westerners often don’t associate ourselves with rituals, but the truth is we use common rituals to mark major life transitions all the time. Sweet 16 parties, first day of school pictures, 21st birthday debauchery, engagement parties, New Year’s Eve fireworks, and countless family traditions to mark a new chapter in life.

There is power in using rituals in transitional phases of our lives.

What we don’t do so well with these modern-day rituals is that we tend to focus on the DOING aspects of the ritual and skip over the BEING. By simply performing the ritual without being present, we are only changing, we are not fully transitioning.

How many people enter a marriage really considering who they want to be in their partnership, or what they might need to leave behind in order to do so?

Instead, we put a lot of attention on throwing a fabulous party, selecting colors, making sure the food & music are perfect, and that we take amazing pictures. Here, we are making a change, and focusing on the DOING parts of the transition and skip over the BEING parts.

“Change is situational. Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation or self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture. Unless transition happens, the change won’t work, because it doesn’t ‘take’.”

— William Bridges, author of "Transitions"

The truth is, transitions come in all shapes and sizes. Some are big life milestones such as the events above, others are more subtle. Most of us can remember a time (likely before March 2020) when we used to go to work and then come home at the end of the day. Each day we make transitions between our “work selves” and our “home selves”. By incorporating rituals with intention, we can fortify our transition, big or small.

Our morning activities when we got to work, such as going to the break room for coffee & breakfast or scanning through your inbox were a subtle ritual of transitioning into your work self. And at the end of the day, maybe you shut down your computer, or turned out the office light, rode the train home listening to a podcast, and when you walked into the door & changed into your comfy clothes, you transitioned back into your home self.

Those of us who have been working remotely since well before the pandemic know that the lines between “work self” & “home self” begin to blur. We can be found working from bed in our jammies or taking calls with “professional from the waist up” and bikini & flip flops from the waist down. (Or is that just me? Busted!) We find it difficult to know which mode to be in without the standard rituals to guide us.

When we don’t have these transitional rituals to guide us, it can all become very confusing as our partners, kids, or roommates suddenly find themselves living with a version of us they never knew before.

Incorporating rituals, and being present in the act of them, will transition you from being in one state of being to another – from just doing work to being at work. Be your work self and be present there. Be your home self and be present there.

Make the line clear through using your rituals.

Now, take a minute and reflect, how does your “work self” sound or act differently than your “home self”? Are they more or less direct? Outspoken? Demanding? Relaxed?

What are the rituals surrounding these different attitudes?

Executive Coach, author and HBR contributor Peter Bregman’s ritual, is to light a candle and say a short prayer to mark the start and end of his day. A current client of mine lights incense and puts on his favorite kimono to mark the transition from startup CEO to “present boyfriend”.

These simple rituals help us step out of one role in our life and step into the other. By ritualizing our transition we bring awareness and intention to how we want to BE in a given environment, which then drives our actions, behaviors, and emotions.

Where are you wanting to create more intention with your daily transitions? What type of ritual might support you in embodying that shift?

Here are some elements you might use when designing your transition ritual:

Taking off or putting on clothing, shoes/slippers or jewelry
Playing music or a “theme song”
Lighting a candle, incense or putting on a diffuser
Going on a walk/run or some physical activity
Taking a shower or a bath letting the water “wash away the day”
Meditation
Saying a short prayer or giving thanks to yourself for what you created today
Brewing a cup of coffee or tea
Journaling for 15 minutes to reflect or set intentions for the day

Regardless of what you choose to experiment with, have FUN with it! Make it unique, the more “extra” the better. Make it the best damn ritual anyone could ever have designed for you!

And don’t forget, rituals can be used for all kinds of transitions. Many clients who have trouble falling asleep design a “winding down” ritual as they transition from a busy day to bedtime, the opportunities are endless.

And if you’re finding yourself in a bigger life shift and want some help transitioning with intention, just enter your name & email below to unlock the download to my Transition Ritual Workbook where I share a ritual I’ve not only used at the turn of every New Year for 10+ years, but with countless client’s through career and big life transitions!

Enjoy! xo Lisa