Have you ever stopped yourself from doing something you truly wanted because you felt like you needed someone else’s approval? It’s a pattern I see with clients all the time—and one I’ve experienced myself. Waiting for permission from others keeps us stuck, small, and disconnected from what we really need. But here’s the truth: the only person you need permission from is YOU.

Why Giving Yourself Permission Matters

Growing up, many of us internalized the idea that validation has to come from outside. Whether it’s teachers, parents, bosses, or society—there’s always someone who seems to hold the key to what we can or can’t do. Over time, we lose touch with our own inner compass. This hesitation often shows up as:

Saying yes to obligations we resent
Ignoring our need for rest or joy
Avoiding risks that could lead to growth
Staying silent instead of speaking up

What if you stopped waiting and started saying yes to yourself instead?

In her leadership book “Dare to Lead” Brené Brown shares a tool called Permission Slips*. I was lucky enough to train in her Dare to Lead program, and I often use this powerful tool with my clients. The tool is simple: you write yourself one of those permission slips, and YOU occupy the role of authority to grant permission to YOURSELF.

“Sometimes we need to give ourselves permission to be our brave authentic selves – to be brave and afraid at the same time; permission slips are a way to state our intention for how we want to behave.
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— Brené Brown

Common Challenges

Here are some common areas in which I see my clients struggle to give themselves permission, the false beliefs that get in the way and the permission slips that open up new possibilities for them.

#1 Self Care

False Belief:

My needs are less important than others' needs. Mine can wait, I’ll be fine.

Permission Slip:

I give myself permission to go to my favorite yoga class every Monday and say no to anything that conflicts.

#2 Rule Following

While I have broken many of the societal “rules” of what work & play should look like, my friends still make fun of me for being such a rule follower. If we’ve rented a house, car or even golf cart in my name & there are rules associated with it, I turn into the worry wart who’s stressing about getting in trouble.

While this is a silly example, if being too careful and cautious is getting in the way of your dreams, it’s time for a permission slip.

False Belief:

If I don't follow the rules something terrible will happen.

Permission Slip:

I give myself permission to break X rules and be rebellious for the sake of ______.

#3 Being Responsible For Other’s Emotions

I don’t love my own birthday parties. I get so caught up in wanting everyone else to have an amazing experience that I worry about the little things and end up not enjoying myself as much as I could. A friend once said “it’s not your birthday until you cry in the bathroom”. Can anyone relate?

False Belief:

You are responsible for other people’s feelings or experiences.

Permission Slip:

Permission to not be in charge or responsible for anyone else’s feelings.

NOTE: This doesn’t give you permission to be a jerk ;)

#4 Perfectionism

Do tasks take forever to complete because you have to do it a certain way and get it “right”?

Do you worry about what other’s will think and make sure all the bases are covered before presenting an idea or making a move? Welcome to the club.

False Belief:

Unless it’s done “right” it isn’t worth doing.

This one can also come with the bonus false belief (ding ding!) that unless I do it perfectly, I won’t be seen as ____ enough.

Permission Slip:

I give myself permission to stop at “good enough”, to get it wrong, or to allow it to be, (gasp!), messy.

#5 Saying No

For those of us who have a hard time prioritizing our needs over others, who love to please, this can be a challenging one.

False Belief:

Putting other’s needs ahead of my own is always the right thing to do.

Permission Slip:

I give myself permission to say no to ______ for the sake of ________.

The Ripple Effect of Permission

Physically writing out a permission slip and saying it out loud with conviction are powerful tools to calm that Inner Gatekeeper that is trying to keep you doing what you’ve always been doing, even when you know it is no longer serving you.

Giving yourself permission is quite possibly the greatest gift you can give yourself. In giving yourself permission you are giving yourself authority over your own happiness, well-being, and decision making.

What greater gift is there?

If your life design ambitions look different from the rest of your family, friends or neighbors, you will need to learn to give yourself the authority to grant permission in all of the categories above at one time or another. So why not start practicing today!

Take Action Today

What’s one thing you’ve been holding back on because you felt you needed someone else’s approval? Take a moment to decide: what would it look like to give yourself permission right now? Write it down, share it with a friend, or say it out loud.

If you’re ready to dive deeper into reclaiming your time and energy, check out my post on the Sacrifice Wheel.