Definition of liminal

1: of, relating to, or situated at a sensory threshold

2: of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition : IN-BETWEEN, TRANSITIONAL.

With every life transition there is a crossing from the old to the new. But what we rarely pay attention to is the space in between, the opportunity to make choices about what we want to carry forward, and what we want to leave behind. By pausing to spend time in this liminal place, we can design the next chapter to be what we truly want and need it to be.

Here are the secrets to thriving in the liminal.

Secret #1: It’s not suppose to be comfortable

Humans crave certainty. We are wired to avoid vulnerability, stay in our comfort zone, reduce risk, find ways to belong. To thrive in transition, you must accept that with big shifts comes uncertainty, and uncertainty can be uncomfortable.

PRO TIP: If you can embrace the not knowing, recognize and welcome it when it arises, and celebrate it as a sign that you are on the right path, you will reduce your anxiety and stay open to creativity. This increases your possibilities as you learn more about yourself and design what’s next.

Secret #2: Haters gonna hate.

During my coaches training I met a man who had recently quit his job at Google and was giving himself 3 months off to “figure out the rest of his life”. He hated his job, and quit out of necessity, despite the warnings of his friends and family. How can you walk away from such a good job? What will you do? What’s wrong with you? They would have rather seen him riddled with stress and anxiety on a daily basis then tolerate the discomfort of his unemployment. Their fear created so much pressure for him that everyday he fought the urge to “give up and go back”. Fear and doubt is not a place you want to design your life from.

PRO TIP: Expect that some friends and family will be very uncomfortable with your decision to break free of the traditional work/life paradigm. They won’t get it. Identify your Support Team and ignore the rest.

Who are people in your life who will never “get it”? Stop waiting for their approval.

Secret #3: Fear kills creativity

If you’re watching the calendar, as my friend did, stressed that “I only have X days left to figure out the rest of my life” you are living in a scarcity mindset. You are literally blocking the part of your brain which deals with creativity and visioning from dreaming, thinking bigger and identifying new opportunities.

PRO TIP: Set a date to evaluate your situation and make decisions about what happens next. Mark it on the calendar, set a reminder. Write yourself a permission slip “I give myself permission to not worry about what’s next until x date”. When you feel yourself worrying, take a deep breath and read your permission slip out loud.

SECRET #4: This is where the magic happens

The liminal is where you give yourself the freedom to explore and experiment. To reflect and marinate in the space in between the old and the new. For me, it was taking a year off to travel around the world, to learn who I was beyond my female CTO identity. For others, it could be a retreat, or some time in a new location before you set down roots. The longer you can stay untethered, the more you will uncover, and the more aligned your landing will be with what’s truly important to you.

PRO TIP: Be intentional with your transition. Spend some time journaling and reflecting. Here are a few prompts. Notice what it feels like to answer and capture that too.

What needs to end so that I can begin anew?
What do I want to carry forward with me?
What do I want to leave behind that no longer serves me?

Transitions come in all shapes an sizes, but they all have a liminal whether you choose to leverage it or not. When you take the time to sit in the “in between” and transition with intention, your landing will feel that much more YOU.