Traveling together means possibly spending more time together than you ever have before, like nearly 24/7 sometimes. This can surface new sides of yourselves, new ways of being together, and yes, new challenges and frictions. Being nomadic with your partner means that you make many decisions together, you have big life conversations faster than you would at home, and you face a lot of problem-solving situations.

It can also be the most magnificent deepening of your relationship.

*Camel trekking the Sahara Desert of Morocco*

When my husband Eric and I quit our jobs in 2013 to travel the world for a year, we spent nearly every waking moment together. I remember girlfriends looked at me in horror when I shared how much time we spent together. “If I had to spend all day with my husband it would end in divorce!”

I often joke that traveling with someone hits the gas pedal on the relationship. The reality is it can end up accelerating the relationship. You either become closer than you ever were before, or you realize quickly this isn’t for you. Travel has a way of making the invisible suddenly very visible.

My husband Eric and I navigated this transition long before the pandemic forced other couples to be under the same roof all day. Since then we have had to learn to traverse traveling the world together, working remotely through 20+ countries, learning new languages and cultures.

We have gone through countless Airbnbs, mishaps, and adventures in planes, trains & automobiles. Having both transitioned to working remotely, we’ve had to learn to share space in a new way, being mindful of when the other is needing alone time, or self-managing to not interrupt them when they’re working on something and in “the zone”. Being a good partner takes on a whole new meaning when you’re spending this much time together.

Here are a few things I’ve learned:

Cultivate Time Part

It’s important to find ways to spend time apart, both alone or with friends. It’s easy to fall into “what are WE doing for lunch? When are WE going to the gym?”, and very quickly you find yourselves always together.

If you fall into doing everything together you can lose the “I” and wind up enmeshing yourself into your partner. This can lead to frustration, anger, resentment, and losing your sense of self.

Cultivate time apart and bring in new experiences to create a little sliver of newness back into the relationship to strengthen yourself both individually and as a couple.

I love it when my husband goes on a trip without me and comes back with new stories to share, almost like there’s a little bit of a stranger in him to get to know. Despite the aggressive ad campaigns of my youth, I love meeting strangers. Having new experiences helps strengthen the “I” and the “WE” and can also show you a new aspect of the person you spend all your time with.

*Exploring Myanmar’s Shan State by Moto*

Pay attention to your roles

Regardless of if you’re traveling or are working remotely, you will quickly fall into default roles. You may not even notice it happen.

One of you will take the lead in planning, booking, or scouting out the next location. One of you will be more on top of the budget and online banking. You get the idea. It will likely work well for some time, and maybe forever. But pay attention to role fatigue. Role fatigue breeds resentment. Check in occasionally to acknowledge the role your partner has been playing and see if they’d like a break.

Stay open

Just like you will have different roles, you will be managing different styles of travel. One of you will lean toward spontaneous “make it up as you go along” travel while the other may crave research and an itinerary to make sure you see all the key sights. What matters is less about who does what, but about appreciating the other’s approach and making space for each other’s perspectives.

Honor and support each other’s dreams

Dr. John Gottman, a renowned author and therapist, has studied marriages and divorces for over 40 years. He is known for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction. When asked to distill all of his research into one nugget of advice on how to have a thriving marriage he said, “honor each other’s dreams and show support”.

Often when we find ourselves in conflict, it’s because we have a dream of how things should be but our expectations aren’t being met. This can occur more frequently when traveling. Check in, get curious about each other’s expectations, and discuss what an ideal day/week/month/year looks like. You can do this on a macro-scale when planning a year or use it to design how you want to spend your weekend. You’ll be surprised what you learn!

I’ll share with you one of our favorite rituals. Each year, around January, we sit down with a bottle of wine, some good music, and a pile of pens and sticky notes. We take about 10 minutes to each write down, sticky by sticky, the experiences we want to have in the coming year. No matter how wild, we write it down. Heli-skiing, learning a new language, living on a boat, volunteering in Africa, visiting family…whatever is calling us, we write it down.

Next, we draw a huge calendar on the wall and we walk around placing the stickies in the ideal months for each activity. Then we look for patterns. Where do we see similarities in our dreams? What are the differences? What themes do we see? What do we get excited about? What feels like it can punt to another year? Then we have another glass of wine and co-create. What does our combined dream look like? Where can we design in time apart? What do we want to be sure to do together?

Then we make the plan.

Don’t forget to celebrate

You’ve done a lot to get here. You had a dream and now you’re living it! You’ve taken a risk, stepped into unknowns, and learned so much about yourselves and each other along the way. Don’t forget to pause and celebrate often. That long leisurely lunch sitting in a cafe on the beach you’re having that you would never have been able to have had together in your “old life”? Is every night feeling like date night? Look each other in the eye, and congratulate yourselves.

Together you are creating a beautiful life!